Bulk Sales

The D.I. has always been famous for great pricing on quality merchandise. But sometimes you want to get a good deal at wholesale (or whole-resale, if you will) prices. I can get a great deal on one, but what if I want to buy 30? There are a few things at the D.I. that you can consistently buy in bulk:

Crutches: Little Johnnie breaks his leg while jumping over a fence to escape the wrath of his neighbor, Don, whose cat he has just spray-painted pink. Johnnie uses the crutches for two weeks and then gives them away, not knowing that he will later have ACL surgery after his overly violent, blindfolded, ten-year-old son hits him with a bat during a piñata party, and years later need a total hip replacement after his decalcified pelvis shatters when he slips and falls during his Friday game of shuffleboard with Dick and LaVerle at the Willow Gardens assisted living facility. Should’ve kept the crutches. Foolish. Short-sighted. Yet an opportunity for the bulk D.I. shopper. Sold by the truckload for $60.

Denim Dresses: Just because Mary Lou escaped a hard life as wife number three in a polygamist compound doesn’t mean that she should completely change her appearance. Maybe lose the long braid and start wearing a little makeup, but please don’t throw out the denim dress! Again, an opportunity for a bulk deal. Whereas one denim dress will cost you $8, a bale of dresses will cost you $40. Not a bad deal, especially if you’re a an enterprising and psychologically controlling young man looking for a group of women to help you start a new lifestyle on the outskirts of a small town in southern Utah.

Naked Barbies®: I’m not sure why little Katie decided to keep the Barbie clothes but throw out the doll, but apparently she is not alone. I realize that Barbies continue to cause unrealistic body type expectations, but really, is lying naked with dozens of other shapely and plasticine women (wait for it) on a cold shelf at the D.I. really the fate they deserve? You can buy the naked dolls individually for 50¢, but I like to buy them in bulk for $5.00 per pound.